A whole new day...

I came home depressed yesterday. I let my supervisor turn what should have been the best compliment ever into an insult. She had a customer that she was having some problems with, so I decided to step in and help, I was trying to be nice because I could see that things were going south fast. I talked her into the original camera that Chris was trying to sell her, showed her the memory card that she needed, and got the lady a camera case. That's the one thing that they always brag about is that I can sell anyone anything just by talking and saying that they will need it later, so they may as well buy it now. We got back to the counter and Chris has gotten a MicroSD card and was trying to talk her into that, those are for cell phones... I told Chris no, and we almost got into an argument in front of the customer, but I decided to just present the facts to the customer and let her decide. She told Chris that she thought I was trying to sell her something that was quality and that she was trying to sell her something cheap, and she went with quality over cheap any day. Chris decided that she would ring her up, and badgered the customer about something else until the customer ignored her altogether and turned to me and said that I should be her supervisor because I was knowledgeable, professional, and knew how to at least dress the part. I felt bad for Chris, but I told the customer thank you anyhow. Chris ran off immediately after the customer left and didn't return for more than 20 minutes, the customer went to look for a manager (I'm not sure whether to brag about me or complain about Chris or both). When Chris finally came back, I tried to explain that I was just trying to help, not butt in or take over, and she proceeded to yell at me "Really? You weren't trying to embarass me? You weren't trying to make me look stupid?" Keep in mind, we're in Walmart and people are always around... I finally gave up, went to take my break, and felt bad the entire time that I had made her feel that way. I ended up getting mad that she had taken the one thing good from my day and turned it into something bad, so I came back out early and almost let her have it. Instead, we talked about it like adults. I tried to explain that she looked like she needed help, and that's all I was trying to do, and I tried to give her some tips on how she could have better handled the situation. She just kept telling me that the customer was just trying to insult her, not compliment me...

Today's a new, Chris-free day though, and boy am I looking forward to it... Just me, Kerstin, and Kandi working today. I can go in, get my job done, maybe have a little fun while I'm at it, and get out... 

Oh, and I'm officially starting a new workout routine today. Guaranteed results in 10 workouts, so I should have results by my birthday... Maybe I can wear a swimsuit this year after all! :)

Talk to you all later...

Had some fun yesterday...

I was planning to sit around cleaning the house yesterday and spend some one on one time with Kyle since Micheal was going to daycare anyhow. Instead I ended up talking to Tabby, a friend I used to work with, and going to the mall.

Here's a few pictures for you...

Micheal getting ready for daycare, he had to wear his hat:

Kyle excited to be out of the house:

Tabby getting her eyebrows done:

Rae joined us for lunch:

Tabby's eyebrows all finished:

Kyle trying to escape:

We went to the Disney Store and he thought he was getting a new Eeyore:

The girls wanted to get him some sunglasses:

I also finally brought him for his first haircut last night. I was so proud of him, he sat up and was still the entire time, never fussed or anything... Tee also said that he was the best baby that she had ever worked with!

 

I hate my boss...

This type of thing has gotten me into trouble before, but this isn't MySpace, it's my blog. It is my hope that I don't have such an immature crowd actually reading this.

I'm going to fill you in on what the past month or two at work has been like. Actually, since November, to be perfectly honest. One of the girls that I used to work with was fired in November and I was put under investigation because she and I were friends and if she was into something, I guess they thought I was too. Personally I never thought that she had done anything wrong and knew that I hadn't done anything. Well, in December, I was pulled back into the manager's office and they suspended me pending further investigation when I still told them that I had never broken a company policy, that I hadn't done anything wrong, and that I didn't see where she had ever done anything either. A week later I was told to come back to work, that their investigation came up empty. I never got an apology, just promised my job back.

Upon coming back, I received a coaching. To this day, I do not understand why if it was proven that I did not do anything wrong I received a coaching, but they coached me on my integrity. I was upset, but still happy to have my job and just went about my business.

Last month I received a coaching on my attendance because I had to call in when my kids got sick. I was told that I had missed 10+ days. While I didn't think that was possible, I said okay and took my "written coaching". I kept thinking about it and asked for documentation, any proof at all since none was offered. I finally got my proof and was able to prove that I had not missed near as many days as he has claimed. When I brought this point up, I pretty much got told so what.

On February 20th, Kyle's birthday, I came into work. I was upset because I had requested the day off well in advance and it was rejected. Everyone else that I work with is able to get their kids' birthdays off from work and I have had to work Micheal's and Kyle's. Someone kept asking me what was wrong and I explained this to them as well as the fact that I was exhausted from working by myself for nearly the past two weeks. Shortly afterwards I was pulled back into the office and coached on my attendance yet again, along with my attitude. I had to leave early on the 13th, worked while I was sick on the 14th, left early on the 15th because I was throwing up and was sent home, and I called in one the 16th. I was informed that this would typically be my "Decision Day" but since I was at work throwing up, they would make an exception just this once.

Today, I was called back to the office again. You will never guess what I was coached on this time. Requesting time off! I never thought that they could or would coach me on that. I requested five days off in April and two weeks off in June so that I can visit my family. He wanted to know exactly what all of these dates were and why I needed them. At the time I couldn't remember what all of them were for and was just a little stumped at the fact that I was getting in trouble over something as stupid as that. I requested them off, either approve them or reject them, son't threaten me over it.

This was the absolute last straw for me. I went and got the Human Resources Director's phone number as well as a member of the marketing team that had proven to be a good friend in the past. My boss saw me doing this and asked if he could do anything for me, I asked him to verify the numbers, and he looked as if he were about to poop his pants!

So, now you're up to date, any advice out there???

Couldn't sleep...

I woke up at 4:00 this morning and just couldn't go back to sleep. I hate when this happens. I'm going to have to work hard tonight to stay up so that hopefully it won't happen tomorrow as well. I really don't want to wake up that early on my day off.

Oh, good news for me... Someone decided to give me my birthday off from work. I have a three day work week that week. Not that I like that, but it's better than dealing with them on my birthday.

I talked to Fae last night. She thinks that when we go down to Georgia in June that she'll stay at Moma's too. I think that's great, we'll be able to spend some time together and hopefully there won't be any drama.

Well, I'm off to get some housework done... May as well use this time for something.

Doctor's Appointment Yesterday...

Yesterday's doctors appointment didn't go as well as I had hoped. I don't really want to talk about it, but we'll just say that we left with homework.

Kyle has to learn to walk, start talking, learn to be more independent, and to gain weight. Daddy has to start spending more one-on-one time with him, so that they can get used to each other and Kyle can stop screaming whenever I'm not around.

I posted a few pictures that I thought you might enjoy.

Kyle running (crawling) away from me before going to the doctor's office:

Waiting in the doctors office:

Happy baby:

Waiting for the doctor to come in:

Look at how cute he is:

You wouldn't think that a baby who's that chubby and that happy and eats as much as he does would be told he needed to gain weight, would you? I'm struggling right now, I've been wanting to cry since the appointment yesterday...

Kyle's Birthday Party

Here is a video, as promised!

And I have a few pics for you guys too...

Here is Kyle's birthday cake:

It didn't turn out like it was supposed to, but it was still yummy!

About to dig in:

Diving in face first:

The cake gets one toe up:

Cramming more cake in:

We had a blast. Kyle almost finished the entire cake! Micheal behaved much better than expected too... I was worried that he would throw a fit with his "Bubby" getting all these new toys and so much attention.

Today we have to go for his one year check-up and get shots... Should be a blast. 

Birthday Party Today!

We didn't get to cut the baby's hair yesterday. We were trying to get other things done. Like moving Gary's car again...

We went out to dinner at Applebee's. Finally got to use one of the gift cards that we got for Christmas. The kids were great the entire time. Micheal sat in the booth and colored while we waited for our food. Kyle was in a high chair and kept turning to look at all the people around us, but never screamed or cried. We got our appetizers and Micheal ate at least one of almost everything on the sampler platter, Kyle mostly stuck with the celery. When we got the rest of our food, Micheal asked nicely for some ketchup and went straight to eating, pausing now and then to ask if he could have some of his chocolate milk, which was sitting right in front of him! Kyle went straight for his hot dog before I had the chance to cut it up. I finally had to snatch it from him and he distracted himself with french fries. The kids were so impressive that we decided to go for dessert. That was real fun. Micheal acted like a little bird, he kept opening his mouth as wide as he could in hopes that more was coming his way. Kyle on the other hand loudly voiced how much he like the chocolate chip sundae and would squeal every time he was ready for more!

Oh, and if you want something really good at Applebee's, try the chicken parmesan. That was the best meal I've ever had there, and I love their food. The chicken was almost as big as the plate, I couldn't finish all of it.

Well, I gotta go... I'm trying to clean the house one last time before the party...

Happy Birthday Kyle!

One year ago today, at 3:22 a.m. Kyle Andrew Crull made his way into the world. He was in such a hurry to get here that his daddy didn't even make it in time for the birth.

We're not doing anything big. He couldn't go to daycare, so daddy stayed home with him and they had a play day. We're getting the big first hair cut tomorrow, and  having a small birthday party on Sunday.

Oh, even though he didn't get to go to daycare, they still sent home his birthday present. They gave him a set of five little cars. I'll upload some pictures later of him playing with them.

That's about it for now... Talk to you later.

I bought a new phone last night...

I got the Samsung Sway. Although it wasn't what I actually wanted, it's a decent phone. Plus, after playing with, I really do like it. Not to mention the fact that I can actually hear on this one, so that's definitely a plus. My old one was getting pretty bad...

The new phone:

The new phone with keypad slid out:

The old crappy Razr:

Oh... I'm a little sad. Gary wants to cancel the New York trip. He's doing it because I want to go to Georgia this summer. I understand that money is a little tight right now, but I haven't seen my family in well over a year now. I was pregnant with Kyle when we went down there last time and he's turning one in two days! I want to go to New York, but I'm not going to miss the opportunity to see my family this summer, so I guess we're putting it off yet again.

That's all for now. Time to get a shower and go to work.

It's so cold...

It is freezing today. It's getting cold again and I hate it.

The boys are of course home today. I brought Micheal in to get his tush looked at. He got some prescription diaper rash creme... It took forever for Walmart to get it ready. The doctor's office called it over while I was standing there, I did my grocery shopping at Meijer, went over to pick it up, and they claimed that it would be ready in 30 minutes. I went home, unloaded the van, went to the post office, and then back to the store. It still wasn't ready. I went to Zales to return a necklace that the diamond had fallen out of, took 45 minutes there, and finally went back to pick up the prescription. It wasn't ready, and by now I was upset. I let them have it and was told that they never get them ready until they are about to be picked up, so I told them that I had already tried to pick it up twice and that this was the third time. Needless to say, they rushed it then.

Oh, and the necklace I returned? I exchanged it for a white gold cross with a .125 carat diamond solitaire. The cross is worth three times as much as the other necklace too!

Time to get to work... Got to finish cleaning the house and then get some schoolwork done.

Why is it?

Why is it that me and the boys always have to get sick at the same time? I ended up having to go pick them both up early today. Kyle has diarrhea now and Micheal isn't much better... His diaper rash is bad enough that I'm bringing him to the doctor tomorrow.

Anyhow, I got them home just in time to put them down for a nap. Kyle took one of his power naps and was up within the hour, while Micheal slept until just a little while ago. He had another bad diaper and didn't want to let me change him, so we opted for a bath... I sprayed him off and started a warm bath, he finally calmed down and sat down in it.

While I was getting a load of the boys poopy laundry together, I realized Kyle was suddenly missing and followed the laughter.

Look at what I found:

 

Aren't they adorable? Kyle loves his big brother!

Well, I'm off for now... Talk to you all later.

I'm at home...

Coffee didn't go so well, so I called in. I brought the boys to daycare and came back home to go to sleep. I've been on the couch since. Gary fixed me some chicken noodle soup so that I could have something on my stomach, but I'm not sure that was a good idea.

I was watching the news, but Gary changed it to a show that I am sort of addicted to: Cheaters. I just can't help but watch.

The phone has rang twice since I've been home. Once it was the sitter, I forgot to let her know how many days the boys would be there this week, and which days that was. The second time it was my neighbor, she thinks she found a home for the Snow, our evil cat. If I didn't feel like crap I would jump for joy. If she can get rid of her for me I'll be thrilled, I'll finally have a clean laundry room again.

Other than that, there's not much going on. Gary's actually taking care of me, although right now he's out of the house, having some time to himself. I'm going to try to put in more resumes today and also get some schoolwork done. I only have two weeks left of class and then I start on two new classes.

Well, I'm signing off now, talk to you all later.

Sick as a dog...

My immune system must be on vacation or something, maybe it's sleeping on the job. I'm sick again. I had to leave work yesterday because I couldn't stop throwing up. My stomach is not doing much better today. It hurts like crazy... I think I'll call in today.

Oh, and what made yesterday even better, you may ask? I was laying on the couch, about to go to sleep and Gary gets the baby and brings him to me. Kyle cuddles with me and is loving on me, so I don't fuss, I just fall asleep holding him. The next thing I remember is a sharp pain in my nose. He jammed his finger up my nose and scratched it! And he scratched it bad!!! My nose bled for about an hour, Gary walked in just as I woke up to that and was worried to start off with that my nose just started bleeding for no reason and was ready to rush me out of here and to the doctor because I was "too sick".

Well, I'm going to see if I can keep coffee down...

Looking back...

Yesterday, while at work, I took a walk down memory lane. There was a teenage girl who came in with doodles on her jeans. I couldn't help but laugh when I realized that I used to be that girl. I can remember this one pair of jean, whenever I wore them I carried a Sharpie marker. It started with me being bored and doodling on them in class one day with my ink pen, and then two of the guys I was friends with decided to join in too. Well, the ink washed out, so I got the Sharpie and it became the thing to do. Everyone I knew and hung out with had to draw on and sign my jeans. "Oh, no blank spaces? I'll bend over and you can sign my butt." Seriously, I had no boundaries. I wore these jeans everywhere, I was proud of them.

The next year, I let them do it with a t-shirt.

I wonder if my mom threw them out when I got married. I imagine so, I mean seriously, would she really want her daughter to have a pair of jeans signed "Jake wuz here" with an arrow pointing to the crotch? Granted, writing that was the closest that he ever got, but that's not the point.

Well, I better get off here. Both kids, as well as myself, are sick, although neither of them seem to feel very bad... They're running around driving me nuts.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I just wanted to share some photos for Valentine's day.

Here is Kyle, waiting to be fed:

Micheal eating banana pudding:

The boys playing together:

I love this picture of Kyle:

Isn't Micheal getting so big:

The present that Micheal made for me:

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's day! I have to go to work in just a bit...

Hmmm...

I'm thinking of starting a project. As most of you know, I hate having my photo taken. Well, I'm thinking that starting on my birthday I'm going to take a photo of myself everyday and post it on the blog. I'm counting on all of you to keep me working on this. I have almost a month to start.

Well, I'm off again. Need to figure out something to eat.

Day 5

I got up this morning, went to work, and wasn't there thirty minutes before I got a call that I had to pick Micheal up. He got sick last night, threw up and fell asleep in it. I thought that it was something he ate yesterday and didn't worry too much, gave him a bath and off we went. When Emily called he had diarrhea. I picked him up and brought him home... I got him something to eat and he's been asleep since.

It's a shame because he was so excited to give out his Valentine cards at daycare today. We brought everything home and he gave me a card that he made me yesterday. Of course, he had the help of Emily to make it. And he also made a candleholder out of baby food jars that it very cute. I'll post a picture of it when I get the chance.

Well I need to go check on my kiddos...

Day 4 of the 8 day stretch...

I'm only on day four... I'm so ready for Tuesday right now. I just want to sleep all day long. And I really need to clean my house, I don't know how it gets so messy when no one is ever here!

It could always be worse though. The winds got so bad yesterday that it blew the siding right off my neighbor's house. This happened right before I got off work. She called me almost in tears. The only bad thing that happened to me is that while on the phone with her and trying to get into my van, the wind caught my door and hit me in the head with it. I have a nice headache still from that.

Well, I'm off to get more coffee and see if I can manage to get some schoolwork done.

Just a few different topics that I wanted to touch on...

I was sitting at work today and I couldn't help noticing that people dress many different ways when they come to the store. Some wear jeans, some wear slacks, and some wear sweats. So, how do you dress when you go to the store? Me, I wear jeans and a t-shirt whenever I go out. And when I say t-shirt, I don't mean a worn out, ragged t-shirt, I mean a nicer shirt, but not a blouse. I just can't bring myself to wear sweats in public. I don't want people to see me wearing stuff like that, it's meant for around the house.

On to the next subject... There is one other associate in the store that is a military spouse. She saw my purse and asked me where I got it. When I went back to give her the website, we got into a conversation in which she felt it was appropriate to ask me if I looked forward to deployments. Yeah, sure, I look forward to my husband spending a year in a foreign country and endangering his life, absolutely. I looked at her, dumbfounded, as she told me that she loves it, especially the extra money that they get. I'm still highly irritated.

Last, but not least, what do you think of this new bill that passed? There goes the country...This bill "will monitor treatments to make sure your doctor is doing what the federal government deems appropriate and cost effective. The goal is to reduce costs and “guide” your doctor’s decisions (442, 446)."  I'm all for helping out our country right now, we need all the help we can get, but what happens when someone's sick and the one thing that may be able to help them is an experimental treatment that is not deemed "cost effective"? This is beyond crazy.

On this note, I am signing off to complete more schoolwork and pray that someone in our country knows what they're doing and can turn it around.

I'm home for lunch...

I just wanted to get on really quick. I'm doing some school work and just had to say hello. Emily brought the boys up to the store to see me today and I was so excited. Kyle was sitting in the seat holding a box of macaroni and cheese and smacking his lips! He loves macaroni and cheese... Micheal was being really good, sitting in the cart and just chattering away. When they got ready to go he told me "Bye bye!" and puckered up to give me a kiss!

Well, I need to go. Just need to finish some discussion questions...

Today...

I am bored... I just got off work and I am trying to find something, anything, to do right now that helps me to not be angry at my boss. I am having a very difficult time finding another job right now and just figured out that I don't even have the option to move up in Walmart in the time being. Since I have an "active coaching" on file, I can't get a promotion until it's off my file. I had put in for a few positions that have now been filled and I didn't even get interviewed for and I got on "The WIRE" to find out why and got my answer...

I'm mad, but I'm trying to get out of there anyhow, so should I even bother being upset? The answer is no, but I can't help it... We were joking about the hazards of working a meth lab versus working at Walmart today in the break room and about half the people said they would rather take their chances setting up a lab than spending the rest of their working lives at Walmart... Scary, huh? At least it's good to know that I'm not the only one that's fed up with it.

On a happy note: This morning when I was getting the boys ready for daycare, Kyle would not stop crying... Micheal bent down, rubbed his head sweetly, and said "Stop crying." so clearly and and sincerely. It was the cutest thing and made me want to cry at the same time. His speech is growing by leaps and bounds now and I am hoping that he won't even have to go to the special school. My only worry is which preschool I will put him in if he doesn't qualify for that one. I never thought about it until recently.

Well, I'm off for now...

I've been changing the look to my blog...

I've been working to change the look to the blog little by little. I'd like some feedback, so tell me what you think people! Especially the header... Gary says it's creepy, but I like it, so tell me: Creepy or no?

I just finished my schoolwork for the night and am about to head off to bed... I will talk to you all later. Knowing me, I'll post something in the morning, so don't worry, I won't be gone for too long!

I went out with my neighbor last night...

Today is my neighbor's birthday and she was having a rough day yesterday, so I took her out to the mall. We were mostly window shopping and looking for her birthday present from me (somebody bought her the book that she wanted and that was honestly one of the few ideas I had). We stopped at Barnes & Noble first to see if she might find another book and to get Starbucks. She didn't find a book, so we kept going. We went to JCPenney's next and found her birthday present from me, a "fat wallet" to match her purse. This thing had a slot for everything you could possibly think of, so it was perfect for her.

We kept going... We stopped at Charlotte Russe where I found a few dresses that I LOVED, but didn't buy.We walked out empty-handed and went into Zales. I found this gorgeous necklace in there that I really wanted but decided not to bother. Apparantly Dorsann was a little irritated with that and called Gary. After a lot of persuading, I ended up getting the necklace and a new dress, from Gary "for Valentine's Day". She was relentless and wouldn't stop until he said yes!

So, here's a picture of my new necklace:

My attempt to be artistic with food...

I posted yesterday about my cooking... As most of you know, I'm not really a cook. I can cook, just don't really like to. I cook to eat, to survive, and that's about it. Well, I had too much time on my hands and decided to prepare an entire meal, a good meal, with parmesan chicken with pasta, spinach quiche (I had some at a party and realized it was amazing), and a triple-threat chocolate cake.

The quiche didn't look very pretty, but Micheal still liked it and ate most of it, so there are no pictures of it. I did, however, manage to take a few photos of the chicken and the cake!

The chocolate sauce kind of went all over the place, as you can tell, but it is still delicious! Gary even broke from his diet after staring at it for over two hours last night!

Well, I have to go... Got two asssignments for school that I have to complete and then I'm off to clean the house and get ready to bring the kids to the Children's Museum with my sister-in-law today. Should be exciting...

I'm cooking...

I'm cooking today...

I'm baking a cake right now. A triple-threat chocolate cake. Devil's food with chocolate pudding and chocolate chips and I have a chocolate glaze to drizzle over it. For dinner tonight I'm cooking parmesan chicken with pasta and a spinach quiche in a muffin pan. I think and hope it will be delicious.

I'll post some pictures in just a little bit if it all turns out okay.

Micheal...

Micheal had something to say to Grandma!

I'm exhausted...

I haven't been sleeping well lately and I am working 10 times harder on everything right now and I am just physically and mentally exhausted. The past few days just makes me realize that what I'm doing is a really good thing, I just have to keep pushing myself to work harder.

I have several reasons, but I just wanted to show off a few of them:

Kyle showing off one of his new teeth!

Micheal giving himself a bubble beard and mustache!

These little guys keep me going every time that I want to give up. I want Micheal to be able to start preschool and be proud of his mommy.

Speaking of proud, Micheal has made me very proud of him. He is working so hard on potty training! Yesterday when Kelly was over, he said "I tee tee!" and ran to the bathroom both times and actually used the toilet! His speech is also growing by leaps and bounds right now. He's about a year behind by most standards, and we expect Kyle to start talking right along with him because starting to try as well, but he is doing so good right now! I am so happy for him, it's really helping some of his temper tantrums as well.

Well, I'm going to get off here for now... Going to get some things done around the house today and continue working on my school work.

Alright!

I am almost completely done with my schoolwork for this week. Now I just need to make it through today at work and I'll have a weekend to be able to relax.

It's time to get ready to go... Have to wake the husband up, get dressed, get the kids dressed and out the door and be at work in 45 minutes... I'll talk to you all later!

My to-do list...

The first thing I have decided to do today is to go through all of my clothes. I'm getting rid of anything that I would not want a potential employer to see me in. For me this means no more baggy t-shirts, no more ripped jeans, no more tank tops, and no more old and worn out clothes. I have kept almost everything that I have bought since my freshman year of high school. I never get rid of my clothes unless I just can't wear them anymore.

This is what I want in my new wardrobe:

2 jogging suits (matching)

2 pairs of jeans

5 casual shirts

5 pairs of slacks

10 business appropriate shirts

Of course, I still have to keep my Walmart attire, but I plan to dress that up as well. You never know when someone may see me there and think if I appear that way when I'm at work that I may just appear that way as well at their place of business. This means that I am going to work on my appearance at work too. I am going to start doing my hair and makeup every morning whether I want to or not and make sure that my appearance is top notch every day.

Any input would be appreciated. Let me know if you have any tips...

Moving on...

So today is a new day and I am moving forward. I have decided to print my resume and also to update it for positions that I will likely be seeking: sales, photography, and clerical/administration work. I'm going to keep about 10 of each printed at a time and on my days off, while the kids are at daycare, I'll go around passing them out to different companies. I can't sit around sulking about a missed opportunity, I won't get anywhere doing that. I just need to keep moving forward, keep my eye on the goal. I need to get out of Walmart, preferably with a better job with much better money!

So today, I am moving forward!

I didn't get the job...

I received an email when I got home today saying that they had hired someone else to fill the position. I'm upset and wish I had gotten it, but I'm just going to keep working towards something else and pray that I get something even better. There's a reason for everything, right?

Micheal's giving me lots of love right now... I think he knows that his mommy needs it.

Oh, I wanted to upload a recent photo of Kyle and I for you guys to see. A rare treat for those of you who don't have to see me daily! ;)

Maybe not the best photo of me, but definitely not the worst, and look at Kyle's beautiful blue eyes!

I'm at my breaking point...

I don't think that I can take much more right now. I cried until I passed out last night. Yes, hearing about Tommy (that's what Moma called him) set it off, but it wasn't just about him. Tommy was like family, and his family was more like family to me than much of my own. It hurts deep down inside to know that he is gone and that my kids will never get to meet him. He was my replacement dad, for lack of better terms or thoughts right now, after my dad passed away and before my mom and Lucius got married. I talked to him about things that sometimes I didn't even talk to Moma about. He pushed me forward to do so much in life that I needed to do. He helped me with the pageants, gave me money that I'm pretty sure he didn't actually have. And after pageants were a thing of the past, he still had my pictures hanging in his office. I was his "teen queen". He told everyone that. And every time I would visit him, the pictures were still there, in his office.

I hate being so far away. I lose people that I am close to and I have to stop and think about the last time I even saw them. And I can't even make it down for the funeral.

After all this, I am also just very stressed right now. I hate Walmart. I can't stand working there and the idea of having to go back in just makes me sick inside. I can't wait until I get the phone call from the other job.

Oh, you want to hear what I just feel awful about? This is back on subject of Tommy. I was speaking with one of my customers about back home and people that I really missed. I had already told him that I have a rather large extended family and he figured that I would say something like my aunts, uncles, or cousins, and I told him I missed Tommy, that I couldn't wait to go back to his church and introduce him to my boys. I talked about him and his preaching so much in fact that the customer said that the next time he was in LaGrange he was going to have to find him and that church, that it really sounded like somewhere he wanted to be.

A wonderful man passed away...

I just got a phone call from my mom. Pastor Tom Hill passed away yesterday. I just called two days ago to let her know that when I come down this summer I wanted to go visit him and his family. He never got to see Micheal and Kyle. As a matter of fact, I think the last time I saw him was my wedding day. I can't stop crying right now.

The funeral is Wednesday. I am so upset that I won't be down there for it. I just wish I had been able to see him one last time, and that he had been able to meet the boys...