I'm at my breaking point...

I don't think that I can take much more right now. I cried until I passed out last night. Yes, hearing about Tommy (that's what Moma called him) set it off, but it wasn't just about him. Tommy was like family, and his family was more like family to me than much of my own. It hurts deep down inside to know that he is gone and that my kids will never get to meet him. He was my replacement dad, for lack of better terms or thoughts right now, after my dad passed away and before my mom and Lucius got married. I talked to him about things that sometimes I didn't even talk to Moma about. He pushed me forward to do so much in life that I needed to do. He helped me with the pageants, gave me money that I'm pretty sure he didn't actually have. And after pageants were a thing of the past, he still had my pictures hanging in his office. I was his "teen queen". He told everyone that. And every time I would visit him, the pictures were still there, in his office.

I hate being so far away. I lose people that I am close to and I have to stop and think about the last time I even saw them. And I can't even make it down for the funeral.

After all this, I am also just very stressed right now. I hate Walmart. I can't stand working there and the idea of having to go back in just makes me sick inside. I can't wait until I get the phone call from the other job.

Oh, you want to hear what I just feel awful about? This is back on subject of Tommy. I was speaking with one of my customers about back home and people that I really missed. I had already told him that I have a rather large extended family and he figured that I would say something like my aunts, uncles, or cousins, and I told him I missed Tommy, that I couldn't wait to go back to his church and introduce him to my boys. I talked about him and his preaching so much in fact that the customer said that the next time he was in LaGrange he was going to have to find him and that church, that it really sounded like somewhere he wanted to be.