Baby's Gotten Good At Goodbye...

It's funny how that song seems to fit me lately. I have no tears left... I'm beginning to really look forward to leaving. I know I'll miss him eventually and I'll have times that I cry, but I can't right now.
Well, I'm getting ready for my Desperate Housewives. Talk to you all later...

Ugh...

He's coming back home tonight. I put a pillow and blanket out on the couch for him. He's taking the boys to church tomorrow and then to his parents house. I'll have the day to go through my things and try to get rid of stuff... I hate doing that.
As of right now, it's looking like I'll leave on the 19th of February. I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends, family, and neighbors. Everyone is really coming together and helping me out so much. I love and cherish all of you.
Well, I've gotta go... Good night people.

And now...

So now that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer, and I'm finally beginning to get some sleep, Gary has started calling me at all hours of the night to tell me what else he wants to add in to the divorce papers. Grandparents visitation. Yeah, he doesn't have to pay child support, he still gets visitation, and he expects me to give grandparents visitation as well? He's lost his mind!!! He lost his battle already on forcing me to seek counseling for the things that he has done to me in the past 5 years, my lawyer and his told him there was no way on that...
I'm so irritated... I would just be getting to sleep when the phone would ring last night. Inevitably, there would be one that I had forgotten to turn the ringer off on...
On another note, I've already done my change of address, I've gotten a new phone with a Georgia number, I've updated my resume, and I'm about to start applying for jobs...
Talk at you all later...

Blah...

I want to say that I'm hurt, but I'm not feeling that anymore... I don't know what I'm feeling. Gary and I will now be signing our papers next week as soon as our attorneys can get them together. It came down to me taking nothing but the kids and our clothes, their toys, and the tv in our bedroom and going to Georgia and Gary keeping everything and not having to pay child support. And he'll still get to see them. That's what he wanted and I'm willing to do it just to get away...
Well, I've gotta go, I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted...

Ugh...

I'm so sick... I've got antibiotics and they seem to be working on the infection part of the sickness, but apparently I had a double dose of something because I still feel like crap. My head hurts, I'm stopped up, can't stop sneezing, and I just want to sleep all the time. Of course, all of you know that this isn't a possibility, especially with what's happening tomorrow.
Man, I can't believe things are moving so fast. I keep waiting for that speed bump that life always throws at me... I know it's going to happen sooner or later.
Moving back... This is something I always wanted to do, but never pictured it happening quite like this. It's definitely an adventure. I'm almost in shock.
Well peeps, I've gotta get running. Talk atcha later.

Friday...

We sign our papers on Friday. I'm terrified and excited, I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life... I will be moving back to Georgia.
I don't have much else for now.

Fast...

My life is suddenly taking so many turns, so very fast.
Gary has decided to get help, but I can't wonder right now if it's not too late. I'm not going to post on here for the world to see everything that has happened. I'll tell you that he has killed almost everything inside of me. When I am around him, I feel nothing but fear. I put up a wall, not on purpose, but it's still there, and I can't be happy or sad, only fearful and angry. I know that's not healthy.
We've decided together that my moving to Georgia is what's best for all of us; myself, the boys, and him. I can't be near him... It gets worse with each passing day and I'm afraid of shutting down altogether.
I need to get going. I'm on a countdown to Georgia (27 days) and I have to go to work today and talk to my boss. Talk to you all soon.

I told him...

I told him tonight that I was done. I've given up trying and I want a divorce. I still love him, just not enough... I can't do it anymore.
Sorry, no more for tonight.

Another day...

I don't know that much has changed since yesterday... I finally got my office set up somewhat the way I want it. Yay to finally having my own office, at least part time it's all mine, and part time I share it, until they convince him to go to a cubicle that is...
I am an iTunes idiot. I can't get it to play more than one song unless the songs have a little check mark next to them. I am trying to start using it so that I can sync my ipod at the same time and all that good stuff... I'm starting to really miss Windows Media Player, it doesn't make me feel stupid.
Well, I'm going to end this blog early as I don't really have any news... Talk to you all later.

What he wants...

He wants to spend some time together this weekend. He should have tried to change sooner, before he drove me so far away. I can't even say that he's confusing me, because I'm still sure of what I want. I feel for him because I do still love him and I always will. This will never be about me not loving him, it's simply the fact that he does things that I cannot live with. The things he has done in the past few months and years will forever be present in my mind and although I may try to forgive him, I can't forget it, and I can't live life the way that I have been. I feel like I simply can't breathe sometimes when I begin to think about it all.
On to a different subject. I moved into my new office yesterday. I have so much space it's insane. They're talking about putting my office mate in a cubicle which means that I have too much space. I can't imagine having that entire room to myself. It's larger than the office that I shared with my boss and the girls that were working in my department for so long. I think I got so used to being in a cramped space that it's really wierding me out being so alone. Even after I got everything set up yesterday I pulled my chair out and sat at Kaylynn's desk yesterday. I think today I'll try setting up some music and just staying at my desk all day, or at least as long as possible.
Well, I've gotta run... Talk to you all soon.

So...

I talked to him last night. I didn't get to tell him everything, but I told him enough. I'm sure he knows by now that things are pretty much irreparable. I wish there were something I could do to change that, but there isn't, the damage has been done for quite some time now and we've just been chipping away at what's left, destroying it all in the process.
I have to go to work today, and more than likely she's going to be there. I hope she's arrested today. I really do... I can't take much more on my plate. Plus, the sooner she's arrested and prosecuted, hopefully the sooner I get my money back.
Well, I'm gonna get going... Gotta take the dog out and all that fun stuff.

Bogged down...

I didn't get to talk to Gary about the things I need to tell him yesterday. He didn't want to hear it so he walked away. I'm beginning to think I'll never get to tell him, which is sad. Five years can't fall apart like this.
I guess the good that has come from all of this is that I'm closer to my friends than ever before. There are very few people who truly know everything that is going on. One of them reads this blog and she knows who she is. The other is my best friend from high school and I am so thankful for him. I thought I had ran him off a long time ago and I am so grateful that I was wrong. I don't know what I would do without the two people that I am talking about. You guys are amazing.
I'm not saying that the rest of you aren't just as wonderful, I'm just not ready for the world to know yet and these two people know me well enough that I would never be able to hide anything from them.
I think that I might take myself a mini-vacation. I want to see my family so bad and I think I just need to get away when everything happens that is about to...
Well, I had better be going. Talk to you all soon.

I'm okay...

I'm not sure of what else to say right now other than I'm okay. I have cried, believe me, I have cried, but I'm okay. I kind of feel numb right now. I don't know what's going to happen next.
Many of you probably have speculations as to what's going on, but I can't post it just yet. I just can't.
The theif didn't show up for work yesterday. She did make an interesting post though... "My conscience is clear about it, but that doesn't really matter." Wonder what that's supposed to mean?
Well, I've gotta run... Talk to you all later.

Well...

So yesterday was fun. It turns out that the person who stole my debit card was the person that I thought it was all along and I let everyone convince me that it wasn't. I am hurt beyond belief that someone I called a friend could do this to me. They're taking bets not on whether or not she will be at work today... I'm trying hard to remain calm when I see her because I am supposed to pretend that everything is normal until she's arrested. The thing is, you can tell that it's her on the video, there is no doubt. She looks at the camera several times... And, here's the greatest thing, she used her food stamps card on the same transaction once!!! Obviously, she's not very bright.
I have my other appointment today that I am so nervous about... I'm sure it will go fine though...
Good news for today, or the weekend I should say, is that Gary is spending the weekend in New Castle for drill... He doesn't see what's worth coming home for. It will be nice to have a break from the remarks that he is so good at making.
Well, time to start getting ready... TGIF!!!

I'm back...

Well, this week is definitely picking up! My new guy was calmer yesterday and actually pretty good about doing his job. That's definitely a good thing, I was starting to worry about my decision to hire him. Kaylynn is still a little unsure of him, but I think it's going to work out.
I got a phone call from the detective on my case about my debit card that was stolen. Turns out they listened to me and got the video from Walmart and there was actually good footage! :) I'm so excited, I get to go down and see if I can identify the girl today! I'm so excited to be able to close that chapter of my life, but nervous because I have an idea of who it was and I really hope that I'm wrong, otherwise my trust in people is severely diminished.
Tomorrow I have an appointment that I should have gone too last week, but stupidly enough, I rescheduled... I'm a bit nervous about that one as well. I'll just say that I can't wait right now for the next few weeks to go on by... I'm really worried about how things are going to work out, but I know in the end it will be what's best.
Well, I've gotta go... Talk to you all soon.

Big sigh...

Well, work was far from fun yesterday. I much prefer to have days where I'm busy doing stuff in it's usual fashion to days where I'm playing catch-up from the week before. Apparently they do not know how to accomplish their jobs when I'm not there... It was a fun-filled day of me getting yelled at by my boss and me telling him that I was moving back to Georgia, I had had enough of the weather and this job just isn't worth it. He quickly backed down and asked how he could help... The sad thing is that I really do want to move back, but I just don't know that I could deal with being there and right up under my family...
Well, I'm gonna get going and try to do something productive before I get ready for work...

Back to work...

I have to say that I am quite excited to be going back to work... I have never been one for time off where I am not going anywhere or doing anything. I love my kids, but there is only so much we can do here at home. I would have much prefered going to visit my family for at least a few days...
Gary and I had a conversation last night... I won't say a long one, but it was long compared to what we've been having. He does know at least that I am far from happy, which is something that he should have known all along. As angry and unhappy as I am, him telling me that he didn't know me (among other things) when he was drunk the other night hurt me to the core. When you're drinking, you might regret saying things later, but they're generally true when it comes to stuff like that.
I have a new guy starting today... He's replacing one of my assistants who moved up in the company. It's so funny how I started out as an assistant and now I have two assistants of my own... And next week, providing that everything goes alright, I'll have a third. Obviously I'm no longer considered an assistant, although I still have the same duties as I did when I started, I just have even more to do now. When I started taking on more work, they decided that I would have my own "Business Development" team. I just wish I knew sometimes what my title actually is and that I had a clear job description! LOL...
Well, I've gotta go... Talk to you all very soon.

Adding to the earlier blog...

Still sitting here thinking random thoughts... Thought it might be interesting to add Facebook status messages in with those blog books. I think I might just make myself one for last year and see how I like it... I think I could make one on Cafepress. I'm pretty sure I can even add my pics on the pages to make it even more interesting...
The question is now: Do I add the blog comments and status comments in? I think it would add to it... And if it's just for me anyhow, what does it matter?

To my fellow bloggers....

It was pointed out to me before that some of the stuff that we (meaning some of the blogs I follow, you know who you are: Christina, Jen, and others :) ) has some stuff that's quite interesting and that might be bookworthy one day... It just got me to thinking, would any of us actually do that? We already put our thoughts out here for the world to see, so what's the difference? Other than it makes it so real to have it on paper... But then again, I would like to see my blog in print... I looked at a few sites that offer that, and it's not that expensive, it mostly depends on if you want a hardcover or softcover. Of course, to do it right you'd have to have a hardcover! LOL... And I would definitely need more than the 20 pages that most of these sites offer, so it would definitely be more costly...
I don't know, I'm just being kind of random lately... I think it's the mood I'm in and just flat out avoiding the other issues going on in my life. I can't and don't want to discuss them all on here just yet... Soon though, I promise. Right now, I will sit and think about whatever random thought that pops in my head and watch the cutest dog ever play with a tennis ball that cannot possibly fit in his mouth! :)

Randomness...

I was going through my BlackBerry today and was looking at the hundreds of pictures... All so random. I can't bring myself to delete them. Some of them are cute, and some are just hilarious. Some of them are just good times, and some are things that I'm just proud of. Some are even random people...
I decided to share a select few... There were well over a thousand, so when I say few, I'm sorry to say it's a lot more than a few! LOL...
There's a pic of me on a coworkers Porsche, turns out he didn't like that so much... Oops.
There's random pics that I've taken when I didn't feel like smiling just to make myself smile... Don't ask, it just works.
There's pics of the kids in time out... There were just so cute! :)
There was my Macky Mack... I love that puppy...
There was one of my favorite Christmas presents, the UGA hat...
My Chiquita baby...
My tattoo...
A Merry Christmas note I left on the conference room board at work before I went on vacation...
Me wearing my favorite scarf and hat...
Me getting my hair dyed...
Visiting Micheal at his school...
A bottle of Smirnoff...
The diaper the babysitter put on backwards... LOL...
My boots...
The Christmas tree...
Me at work...
The boys getting hair cuts...
The boys at the FRG Christmas party...
Kaylynn stealing an apple from Al at work...
Halloween...
Thanksgiving...
Christmas...
Fuzzy socks...
My best friend in the whole world...
And his truck...
Al, with the hard hat that I bought for him after throwing way too many random objects at his head while at work...
Micheal's school picture...
Like I said, lots of randomness... I love each and every one of them and just wanted to share them... :)