I had the dream again...

Those of you who know me know what I'm talking about... Some of you either don't know me or may not remember, so I'll tell you.
I went to be early last night and passed out immediately. Every time I have a life-changing event, I have this dream... When I turned 16, graduated high school, got married, and both times I was pregnant. I can remember almost every dream vividly...
I dream about my dad. Many of you know that he passed away when I was 12. I know I have the dream because some part of myself is seeking the closure that I never got, I just don't know how to get that closure...
The dream goes something like this: I'm at a family event or I'm doing something pertaining to whatever the life-changing event is... In this case it was Christmas at my mom's, but I've had a dream where I was at home putting the baby crib together, or where I was out shopping for wedding stuff. He and my uncle drove up in this little sports car and we were having Christmas outside like we did the last time I was home. Everybody was so excited when they realized who it was... My mom cried and hugged him, then started chewing him out... I went over and he smiled and tried to hug me. All I said was "You're dead." and he tried telling me that it was all just a big misunderstanding. This time I just looked at him and said "It doesn't matter, you're still dead to me." and walked away. I tried to get my things together and it's like I was going to leave in the dream.
Time went by, my brother and sister were elated to see him and never questioned anything, my mom kept going back and forth with hugging him, crying, and chewing him out... I was mostly a spectator from what I can tell.
Finally, I go back over, trying to keep my composure (because I was very angry by this point) and talked to him. I told him that he missed out on everything. He missed every event that he ever promised me he'd be there for, my 16th birthday (he was supposed to teach me to drive and help me find my first car), my graduation, my wedding day, my kids being born, everything. He tried telling me that he would be there from now on and I told him that I didn't need empty promises, I'd done this well on my own and I wasn't sure that I wanted him to be there for anything else.
I was hateful. The conversation went further, but I don't feel like it all needs to be typed up.
I woke up shortly afterwards... At 4:00 this morning. I was mad, I was angry. Then, when I came to the realization that I couldn't just go yell at him, couldn't call him and scream, I fell to pieces. I have done almost nothing but cry all day...
So that's been my day. Sorry to lay it out there, I just need to "talk"...