Wow... Does That Chick Have Purple Hair???

I think that an introduction is definitely due by this point... I've had this blog for a few years and had a MySpace one before that. My life is changing rapidly now and I'm sure that my blogging style will as well. Please bear with me, I'm not sure where these changes will take me, I'm a little scared, but
excited too...

I hope you all continue to follow me on my journey!


Friday, October 22, 2010

Yeesh...

It's October! Halloween is fast approaching... Then Thanksgiving. And oh my goodness, Christmas comes after that... This is my favorite time of year, but it really all seems to be moving too fast this year.
I feel as though I just moved down a few weeks ago, when in reality, I've been back home for months.

Friday, September 3, 2010

September

It's a beautiful September day. The temperature is in the high eighties/low nineties. The best part of this day is that I do not have to work and I am completely alone for the first time in what seems to be forever with nothing to do. Nothing but housework that is.
I dropped my children off at school this morning and came back to my lovely little home to enjoy a cup of coffee. I then decided to change my clothes and attend a meeting with a friend in Richland. After this meeting, I went grocery shopping (without a list, which is a brave thing for me to do) at the Piggly Wiggly. It was nice to be able to walk around the store with just the lull of the music in the background to listen to, but what was nicer was the fact that when my little shopping trip was over, the store owner brought my groceries to my vehicle for me.
Upon arriving at my house, I unloaded my groceries and decided that it was lunch time. I scanned the refrigerator for something appetizing and finally came to the conclusion that I just had to make a grilled cheese sandwich. After fixing my sandwich, I brought my plate and the Stewart Webster journal to my bedroom and proceeded to eat my lunch and drink another cup of coffee in my bed while reading this weeks newspaper. This is a Friday ritual that I love, and I can never let my children know because "We never bring food out of the kitchen and dining room".
After my lunch, I was still not ready for the housework that I have been needing to do all week, so I decided to go for a walk. In order to do this, I must first make sure that the dogs are occupied so that I do not have visitors along the way. So I go out and fill two bowls with dog food and two bowls with water, close the gate behind me, and run as fast as I can towards the street before I am spotted.
I walk up the street, past my boyfriend's parents' house, turn at the corner and head towards Broad Street. Once on Broad Street, I begin to look at the houses. The one on the corner here was the "Cookie Man's" house, he was also known as Mike Bush. Then, a little further up the street is where my dentist's assistant lives, and next door to her is the superintendent for Stewart County Schools. It dawns on me that I know nearly everyone in these houses. And of course, while I'm out for my leisurely walk, the dental assistant stops me to ask me how my teeth are doing, which I'm sure that someone in a large city never gets. It's something I rather enjoy.  As I approach the next street corner, I see someone that any newcomer would be weary of. I'm not sure of his name, but most people just call him Hawk, he used to play for the Harlem Globetrotters, until he came home one time and smoked some marijuana that had been soaked in embalming fluid. He hasn't been right since, but he's harmless. He asked me for the millionth time today if that was my uncle that owned the shop and where was he now, that he missed talking to him.
I continued on my walk after speaking with Hawk. I walked to the post office and was not surprised when I didn't have any mail. I then headed for the square, which was filled with businesses when I was growing up. Now there are few stores, and most of them are open for very few hours. I walked into the one place that I can count on to never change, the Lumpkin Drug Store. Ms. Mattie was still working there and greeted me with a hug. I spoke with her for a few minutes and then hugged her again before I continued on with my walk. I went down Main Street this time. Immediately around the corner from the drug store is a closed down restaurant called Michelle's and across the street is my one time dream house. I continue down the street and marvel at the beautiful homes. When I reach the end of the street I am amazed that I did not feel the urge to cross the street to avoid the house that as a girl I was always afraid was going to swallow me whole if I got to close to it. I will never understand why I found that place so scary, but I still do today...
Alas, I am back home, and yet again putting off housework. And I think I will put it off once more for a short nap, but then I will surely get it down. Maybe.

Monday, August 23, 2010

I Know Love Exists... :)

As I sit here tonight, I can't help but to smile. I'm smiling because even after everything I've been through, I know love exists. That's right people, love exists!
Love exists in my children. In the way that they run to give me a hug when I pick them up after a long day at work. In the way they try to help around the house. Love exists!
Tonight, we got a new puppy... Her name is Charli. That's right, Charli... No "e" because she's a girl. She's a lab mix, my boyfriend's sister gave her to me. And she's so sweet. The first thing Micheal did was pick her up and immediately tell her that her name was Charli. Yes, he named yet another dog, and it stuck because Kyle began to call her that too and it grew on me. The next thing he did was say "I love you Charli." My little boy loves our new dog. Love does exist.
Another way that I know love exists: When I moved back to town and immediately fell into a pattern of old mistakes, I did a sorry job of getting out of that pattern, I went into another bad pattern. I came back to my sister's house one day after work and immediately grabbed a drink. I then proceeded to make myself into an idiot. This guy I knew stopped to pick on my sister, and I went out and insisted that he pull his truck over and come talk to me because I hadn't seen him since he was little. He stayed half the night and talked to me. The next night, he came back (although I will never understand why). The night after that, which was quite possibly the worst that week, he came back again and I realized this was probably one of the nicest guys I knew and he would make a pretty good friend.
Fast forward to a week later- I was still in a bad pattern of mistakes... Still drinking, but not as much. He continued to come by every night, and I continued to enjoy hanging out with my new found friend. I kissed him on the cheek that night when he left. And when he went to say something about it, I really kissed him.
The next day, I pretended that it had never happened. I didn't want to start a new relationship, and especially not with him... I kissed him goodbye again that night though, I just really liked those kisses.
One night I poured my heart out and explained to him that I didn't want anything other than what we were right then; friends that would kiss every now and then, but just friends. I told him that I wasn't the person that he needed in his life and gave him every reason in the world as to why he should leave and never come back. He kissed me that night and continued to come over every night.
After yet another night of me giving this wonderful man every reason in the world why I wasn't the person for him, he left, kissed me goodbye, and I sat crying in the living room sure that it had worked this time. My sister was sure that I was nuts for trying to make him run away and then crying when I thought it had worked. That night, I got the longest text I had ever seen on my phone. It basically said that he would always be there waiting until I was ready, he wasn't giving up on me. I started to let myself fall in love with him after that text, but refused to let him know it.
I would still test him by giving him new reasons every day as to why he should find someone else. We would go out to lunch and I would point out all the hot girls that he could be with... I would point out things I couldn't do because I had kids at home, and I would point out that there were all kinds of bad things about being with someone who had been married before. He never listened, but of course he always had a smart comeback for whatever I would say.
One day, I got tired of being referred to as the "friend" and told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend and make this an actual relationship or just call it off right now. He laughed at me and asked when I was going to realize that it already was a relationship... He knew he had opportunities elsewhere, but didn't take them because he knew he had something good with me.
We finally went on a date after that. We had dinner with his family too. Everything was great. I would look forward to seeing my boyfriend everyday. And of course, it was of no shock to anyone. The whole town, pretty much everyone but me, already knew we were dating. They had gotten used to seeing him stop by in the morning for coffee after he got off work, and seeing him there for dinner before he went in to work. They knew that I was the only person that rode on the back of his motorcycle. There was even a time when I was spotted running and jumping in the driver's seat to his truck and refusing to let him leave... He tried to grab me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him and buried my face into his chest. That was a really good day. Until a certain person drove by and told us to take it out of the street that is...
Shortly after that, I knew I was completely in love with him... But I have never been the one to admit that first. So one morning when he came by for coffee, I not so casually brought the subject up by hinting around. He finally looked at me and told me that he had been in love with me since our first kiss, and even more so when I decided that he and I were actually dating.
Love does exist, and I am so happy to realize that it does.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Please Excuse The Mess...

Geesh... I'm trying desperately to get my house back in order today. I can remember a time when nothing would ever be out of place. Micheal was not mobile yet... LOL And I was a stay at home mom. I didn't have much to do... And then, he started crawling and pulling himself up. It was okay, he still wasn't that bad. I adjusted. Then he was walking and running, and making bigger messes... I adjusted. Then Kyle was born. I was exhausted from taking care of a newborn and running after a two year old. I eventually adjusted... Then Kyle mobilized... I adjusted, yet again. I went back to work... I was exhausted from work, running after a two year old and 8 month old, but I adjusted. AGAIN!
Now that it is just me, full time, with a two year old and four year old, working full time, and going to school, while still trying to have a life, I am unsure of how to adjust. I'm exhausted, and having a perfect house and yard is no longer of any importance to me... I feel that it should be okay to simply say "Please excuse the mess." and leave it at that. But that just wouldn't work, now would it?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Depressed...

So, I am looking at pictures today and can't help but to wonder why? Why didn't he ever follow through on those plans with me? Why her? Why did he do all the things he did???
I can say it doesn't matter, it's all in the past, but in reality, it does matter. Why was I never good enough?
I don't want to be with him... I don't want him within a thousand miles of me actually, which is why the current situation works so well, but I just feel like I need at least a half-decent answer to these questions.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Another Day...

Well people, I survived and came to work another day...
I was so proud yesterday that I got all of my bills paid, and then I remembered that I have a dentist appointment tomorrow... It's going to cost me about $250. Needless to say, I don't have that much left in my account. I have enough to pay daycare next week and to get gas to come to work... Maybe enough for food. After that, nothing. I have no clue what I am going to do... I am so frustrated with myself right now... I have never done this before.
I wish that Gary would start actually paying his back child support. I need that money right now.
Frustrations of being a single mom and on the edge not knowing when you are no longer employed in Southwest GA... Yay...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Don't Let Him See You Cry

I'm posting this because it seems to be what I feel lately... I love Steven, but I am so scared to let him see it and so scared to show any emotion at all in from of him... I think after what Gary put me through for so long it's just going to take some time, but still. Anyhow, here goes...

Don't Let Him See You Cry
By: Alicia Lee Canington

Keep you voice steady,
Keep your breathing right,
Whatever you do,
Don't look him in the eye.
Whatever you do,
Don't let him see you cry.
Don't let him know,
Don't let him see,
He cannot know,
It's him you need.
So keep your voice steady,
Keep your breathing right,
And whatever you do,
Don't look him in the eye.
Whatever you do,
Don't let him see you cry.
Never let him see you cry.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Geesh...

It has been forever and a day now since I last posted on this blog. I feel awful!
So much has happened, I don't know where to begin. I can tell you all that I am finally happier than I have been in a long time, although I am at the same time very stressed. One thing that no one tells you is that even if you are used to raising two kids on your own with no help or break from your spouse it is extremely difficult when you are doing it with little to no monetary help from them after the relationship is over.
I am back in school, which adds to my stress, but it is so nice to be able to say that I will most definitely be completing my degree very soon! :) I'm actually doing quite well in my classes now. I am working hard to find a balance between life, taking care of my kids, working, and doing schoolwork, and I think I am finally getting into the swing of things.
I started dating a few months ago... That didn't start out very well. I also had a friend that was just always there for me. The thing is, the more he was around, the more I wanted to talk to him about everything and the more I learned to trust him. I finally (in true Alicia fashion) absolutely lost my temper with him one day and told him that he needed to be a man and ask me out if he actually cared for me that way. We have officially been dating for about 6 weeks, but I think if you really want to count how long we've been seeing each other, it's more like 3 months. I adore him... He is a total sweetheart and I care for him more than I ever thought that I could.
The kids are doing great. Micheal goes back to school next week. I'm so nervous for him. I think he should do well. Kyle is Kyle. He's smart as a whip and just can't wait to do everything. He's also my little sweetheart. I don't know what I would do without those boys, they are my world.
Another tidbit, I bought a house!!! I love it. It's small, but it is mine and it's perfect for me and the boys...
Well, that's about all I have for now, I need to get ahead on my schoolwork. :)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Why?

Why does it seem like whenever I am really trying to get things together that's when it blows up in my face?
I'm so frustrated today... I have an offer in on the most beautiful house, HAD a preapproval from my bank for the mortgage, but now, nothing. I've contacted a federal agency that I refer my clients to, but who knows if I qualify since I have a job and actually try to do the right thing. I've never been on government assistance and don't want to start, but I'm about to start rethinking it all. I'm just so frustrated.
My preapproval was taken away because upon further investigation my job that I have now is not related to my previous position. I knew this and was upfront about it. I never lied. Now I'm worried that I won't be able to get a loan on my house and I really don't want to have to rent for the next two years to build up work history. I'll never be able to save money that way...
Well, I'll talk to you all soon.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Wow... It's been a while!

Sorry it's been a while everyone. I just got on and realized that it has quite literally been forever since the last time I posted.
A lot has happened in the last month and a half. I of course moved to Georgia, I have a wonderful job at the Neighborhood Center in the town I grew up in, and my divorce is final. That's all the big news... There are lots of little things that are happening and that have already happened. I won't go into everything right now, but I will say that I am happy. For the first time in a really long time I am happy to wake up in the mornings. Happy to see my kids, happy to go to work, and happy to go back home at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job in Indiana, and I was quite happy there, but at the end of the day I only had my job and my kids to be happy about and a whole bunch to be unhappy about, it just would never have worked...
Well, I am going to get back to work now, I will talk to you all soon, I promise...

Monday, February 8, 2010

11 Days...

I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow afternoon and, if all goes well, I will be signing papers by the end of the week... I'm so excited, I just can't wait to have this all over with...
It's my last week at work... I'm very sad about that. I love my job and I hate leaving. I love the people there... Even if some of them get on my nerves at times. I wish I could pack my job up and bring it with me.
I packed three huge suitcases yesterday. The worst part of that is that it was only maybe half of my clothes... That's scary. I plan to have a yardsale and scale down quite a bit once I get down there...
Well, time to go for now... Talk to you soon.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

12 Days...

12 days until I'm back in Georgia... Seems so near and so far at the same time. Luckily, I have work this week to keep me somewhat preoccupied, but that's not really true because I've given my entire workload out to my assistants and I'm really only playing supervisor and putting out fires as they come along.
Yesterday, to pass the time, I threw out a ton of things that I'll have no use for anymore... Today, I'm going to pack some things. I figure if I pack today and a little every evening this week, it should make things a lot easier for the move.
I'm trying to make a checklist now of different things to make sure I get done... Like getting the boys' medical records, Micheal's school records, Mack's medical records, and goodness knows what else.
Well, I'm going to get going for now... Talk to you all soon.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Rough day...

We came to an agreement on child support today. I have to say that it hurt me to the core... $45 a week. That's $22.50 per kid, $180 a month, and a whole $2,340 a year... I lost my mind and called Gary to scream at him when I first got that email, but while on the phone I realized that, hey, this is what I want, I don't need him or his money to take care of me and my children, this is my out. So, I'm taking it, this way he can say that his piddly little $45 a week is supporting his children and I can simply be out of the trauma that I have experienced with him...
Well, I'm gonna go. I'm really excited about knowing that I will be back home in two weeks, but I am exhausted today...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Holding it together...

There seem to be days lately where I am just holding it together and not much else. Yesterday was one of those days... I went to my parenting class, which is basically a $50 joke designed to make parents feel bad about getting a divorce, then they turn around and tell you that everything will be okay. I was surrounded by people talking about their boyfriends and girlfriends and future plans for marraige and all I could think was "HELLOOOOOO... Have you lost your minds? You're in a divorce seminar! Didn't you learn your lesson the first time? Why don't you at least give yourself some time to heal and process? At least for your kids..." And I did say something to that affect once which had the teacher proud of me and the rest of the people attending the seminar quite unhappy...
Back to the holding it together thing. After I got home from this thing, I ate some lunch and talked to the neighbor for a bit. Then Gary came back early. He wanted to talk about his therapy session and "us". There are many times that I want to scream that there is no "us" we're getting divorced. But I didn't, I tried to listen... Then I walked out. After so many years of being mistreated, all I can hear when he talks "Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie..." and I grow very tired of listening to it.
Well, I've gotta run now, talk to you all soon...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Working out...

Okay, so I'll admit it, I let myself get out of shape... Way out of shape. I have at times been a size zero, but the norm was a two... After Micheal, I was somewhere between a two and a four, depending on the cut of the jeans. After Kyle, it was a four, the two just was not happening. I stayed a four up until about a year and a half ago, maybe not that long... The fours started getting tight, I dealt with it, just sucked my gut in and kept going. Well, that stopped working... I broke down and bought two pairs of size six pants. I've been living in those, and I'm not very proud of it. See, in all reality, a six is still small, but to be as short as I am, a six looks big to me. I'm not happy when I look in the mirror right now... So, I decided to do what I can to improve that. On top of tanning, I'm going to start working out... And I'm going to try to diet. Try is the key word there because food just looks so good. And with the divorce right now and being low on cash, I'm just always willing to take what's given to me which isn't necessarily the healthiest options.
My goal is to be back in a four, and be fit, by summer so that I can wear one of my old bikinis. Who knows, I may try for a two... A two would be very nice.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Boring and uneventful...

That pretty much describes my day... Nothing happened at work. Kaylynn and I pretty much counted down the hours today until it was time to leave. It's funny how the last hour, we go back and forth with the exact minutes until time to go on instant messenger. That's how boring the end of the day is...
Kaylynn did, however, clue me in on the best tanning salon I've ever been to today. We went after work and it was so nice to just lay in a tanning bed and relax. Unfortunately, the clock went off and I had to get out... But there's always tomorrow, and everyday until I leave for Georgia. :)
Talk to you all later...

I went shopping...

I forgot to post yesterday that I went shopping... I couldn't afford to buy a lot, but it was nice to be able to shop for myself without having to worry about someone breathing down my neck about it when I got back to the house. I even saw a few things for my new place that I'm thinking of buying... Since Micheal was born, I haven't been able to do this because I always had to listen to how we can't afford it. It was nice to be able to make that decision for myself for once, and it's not like I went hog wild, I bought an outfit and a purse and did a lot of window shopping...
My next purchase will be bedding for myself in my new place and decor. I'm fairly excited. I also get to buy furniture... This will be the first time I've ever bought furniture, Gary did all of that before...
Well, talk to you all later...

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Baby's Gotten Good At Goodbye...

It's funny how that song seems to fit me lately. I have no tears left... I'm beginning to really look forward to leaving. I know I'll miss him eventually and I'll have times that I cry, but I can't right now.
Well, I'm getting ready for my Desperate Housewives. Talk to you all later...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Ugh...

He's coming back home tonight. I put a pillow and blanket out on the couch for him. He's taking the boys to church tomorrow and then to his parents house. I'll have the day to go through my things and try to get rid of stuff... I hate doing that.
As of right now, it's looking like I'll leave on the 19th of February. I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends, family, and neighbors. Everyone is really coming together and helping me out so much. I love and cherish all of you.
Well, I've gotta go... Good night people.

And now...

So now that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer, and I'm finally beginning to get some sleep, Gary has started calling me at all hours of the night to tell me what else he wants to add in to the divorce papers. Grandparents visitation. Yeah, he doesn't have to pay child support, he still gets visitation, and he expects me to give grandparents visitation as well? He's lost his mind!!! He lost his battle already on forcing me to seek counseling for the things that he has done to me in the past 5 years, my lawyer and his told him there was no way on that...
I'm so irritated... I would just be getting to sleep when the phone would ring last night. Inevitably, there would be one that I had forgotten to turn the ringer off on...
On another note, I've already done my change of address, I've gotten a new phone with a Georgia number, I've updated my resume, and I'm about to start applying for jobs...
Talk at you all later...

Friday, January 29, 2010

Blah...

I want to say that I'm hurt, but I'm not feeling that anymore... I don't know what I'm feeling. Gary and I will now be signing our papers next week as soon as our attorneys can get them together. It came down to me taking nothing but the kids and our clothes, their toys, and the tv in our bedroom and going to Georgia and Gary keeping everything and not having to pay child support. And he'll still get to see them. That's what he wanted and I'm willing to do it just to get away...
Well, I've gotta go, I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Ugh...

I'm so sick... I've got antibiotics and they seem to be working on the infection part of the sickness, but apparently I had a double dose of something because I still feel like crap. My head hurts, I'm stopped up, can't stop sneezing, and I just want to sleep all the time. Of course, all of you know that this isn't a possibility, especially with what's happening tomorrow.
Man, I can't believe things are moving so fast. I keep waiting for that speed bump that life always throws at me... I know it's going to happen sooner or later.
Moving back... This is something I always wanted to do, but never pictured it happening quite like this. It's definitely an adventure. I'm almost in shock.
Well peeps, I've gotta get running. Talk atcha later.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Friday...

We sign our papers on Friday. I'm terrified and excited, I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life... I will be moving back to Georgia.
I don't have much else for now.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Fast...

My life is suddenly taking so many turns, so very fast.
Gary has decided to get help, but I can't wonder right now if it's not too late. I'm not going to post on here for the world to see everything that has happened. I'll tell you that he has killed almost everything inside of me. When I am around him, I feel nothing but fear. I put up a wall, not on purpose, but it's still there, and I can't be happy or sad, only fearful and angry. I know that's not healthy.
We've decided together that my moving to Georgia is what's best for all of us; myself, the boys, and him. I can't be near him... It gets worse with each passing day and I'm afraid of shutting down altogether.
I need to get going. I'm on a countdown to Georgia (27 days) and I have to go to work today and talk to my boss. Talk to you all soon.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I told him...

I told him tonight that I was done. I've given up trying and I want a divorce. I still love him, just not enough... I can't do it anymore.
Sorry, no more for tonight.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Another day...

I don't know that much has changed since yesterday... I finally got my office set up somewhat the way I want it. Yay to finally having my own office, at least part time it's all mine, and part time I share it, until they convince him to go to a cubicle that is...
I am an iTunes idiot. I can't get it to play more than one song unless the songs have a little check mark next to them. I am trying to start using it so that I can sync my ipod at the same time and all that good stuff... I'm starting to really miss Windows Media Player, it doesn't make me feel stupid.
Well, I'm going to end this blog early as I don't really have any news... Talk to you all later.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

What he wants...

He wants to spend some time together this weekend. He should have tried to change sooner, before he drove me so far away. I can't even say that he's confusing me, because I'm still sure of what I want. I feel for him because I do still love him and I always will. This will never be about me not loving him, it's simply the fact that he does things that I cannot live with. The things he has done in the past few months and years will forever be present in my mind and although I may try to forgive him, I can't forget it, and I can't live life the way that I have been. I feel like I simply can't breathe sometimes when I begin to think about it all.
On to a different subject. I moved into my new office yesterday. I have so much space it's insane. They're talking about putting my office mate in a cubicle which means that I have too much space. I can't imagine having that entire room to myself. It's larger than the office that I shared with my boss and the girls that were working in my department for so long. I think I got so used to being in a cramped space that it's really wierding me out being so alone. Even after I got everything set up yesterday I pulled my chair out and sat at Kaylynn's desk yesterday. I think today I'll try setting up some music and just staying at my desk all day, or at least as long as possible.
Well, I've gotta run... Talk to you all soon.

Monday, January 11, 2010

So...

I talked to him last night. I didn't get to tell him everything, but I told him enough. I'm sure he knows by now that things are pretty much irreparable. I wish there were something I could do to change that, but there isn't, the damage has been done for quite some time now and we've just been chipping away at what's left, destroying it all in the process.
I have to go to work today, and more than likely she's going to be there. I hope she's arrested today. I really do... I can't take much more on my plate. Plus, the sooner she's arrested and prosecuted, hopefully the sooner I get my money back.
Well, I'm gonna get going... Gotta take the dog out and all that fun stuff.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Bogged down...

I didn't get to talk to Gary about the things I need to tell him yesterday. He didn't want to hear it so he walked away. I'm beginning to think I'll never get to tell him, which is sad. Five years can't fall apart like this.
I guess the good that has come from all of this is that I'm closer to my friends than ever before. There are very few people who truly know everything that is going on. One of them reads this blog and she knows who she is. The other is my best friend from high school and I am so thankful for him. I thought I had ran him off a long time ago and I am so grateful that I was wrong. I don't know what I would do without the two people that I am talking about. You guys are amazing.
I'm not saying that the rest of you aren't just as wonderful, I'm just not ready for the world to know yet and these two people know me well enough that I would never be able to hide anything from them.
I think that I might take myself a mini-vacation. I want to see my family so bad and I think I just need to get away when everything happens that is about to...
Well, I had better be going. Talk to you all soon.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I'm okay...

I'm not sure of what else to say right now other than I'm okay. I have cried, believe me, I have cried, but I'm okay. I kind of feel numb right now. I don't know what's going to happen next.
Many of you probably have speculations as to what's going on, but I can't post it just yet. I just can't.
The theif didn't show up for work yesterday. She did make an interesting post though... "My conscience is clear about it, but that doesn't really matter." Wonder what that's supposed to mean?
Well, I've gotta run... Talk to you all later.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Well...

So yesterday was fun. It turns out that the person who stole my debit card was the person that I thought it was all along and I let everyone convince me that it wasn't. I am hurt beyond belief that someone I called a friend could do this to me. They're taking bets not on whether or not she will be at work today... I'm trying hard to remain calm when I see her because I am supposed to pretend that everything is normal until she's arrested. The thing is, you can tell that it's her on the video, there is no doubt. She looks at the camera several times... And, here's the greatest thing, she used her food stamps card on the same transaction once!!! Obviously, she's not very bright.
I have my other appointment today that I am so nervous about... I'm sure it will go fine though...
Good news for today, or the weekend I should say, is that Gary is spending the weekend in New Castle for drill... He doesn't see what's worth coming home for. It will be nice to have a break from the remarks that he is so good at making.
Well, time to start getting ready... TGIF!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm back...

Well, this week is definitely picking up! My new guy was calmer yesterday and actually pretty good about doing his job. That's definitely a good thing, I was starting to worry about my decision to hire him. Kaylynn is still a little unsure of him, but I think it's going to work out.
I got a phone call from the detective on my case about my debit card that was stolen. Turns out they listened to me and got the video from Walmart and there was actually good footage! :) I'm so excited, I get to go down and see if I can identify the girl today! I'm so excited to be able to close that chapter of my life, but nervous because I have an idea of who it was and I really hope that I'm wrong, otherwise my trust in people is severely diminished.
Tomorrow I have an appointment that I should have gone too last week, but stupidly enough, I rescheduled... I'm a bit nervous about that one as well. I'll just say that I can't wait right now for the next few weeks to go on by... I'm really worried about how things are going to work out, but I know in the end it will be what's best.
Well, I've gotta go... Talk to you all soon.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Big sigh...

Well, work was far from fun yesterday. I much prefer to have days where I'm busy doing stuff in it's usual fashion to days where I'm playing catch-up from the week before. Apparently they do not know how to accomplish their jobs when I'm not there... It was a fun-filled day of me getting yelled at by my boss and me telling him that I was moving back to Georgia, I had had enough of the weather and this job just isn't worth it. He quickly backed down and asked how he could help... The sad thing is that I really do want to move back, but I just don't know that I could deal with being there and right up under my family...
Well, I'm gonna get going and try to do something productive before I get ready for work...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Back to work...

I have to say that I am quite excited to be going back to work... I have never been one for time off where I am not going anywhere or doing anything. I love my kids, but there is only so much we can do here at home. I would have much prefered going to visit my family for at least a few days...
Gary and I had a conversation last night... I won't say a long one, but it was long compared to what we've been having. He does know at least that I am far from happy, which is something that he should have known all along. As angry and unhappy as I am, him telling me that he didn't know me (among other things) when he was drunk the other night hurt me to the core. When you're drinking, you might regret saying things later, but they're generally true when it comes to stuff like that.
I have a new guy starting today... He's replacing one of my assistants who moved up in the company. It's so funny how I started out as an assistant and now I have two assistants of my own... And next week, providing that everything goes alright, I'll have a third. Obviously I'm no longer considered an assistant, although I still have the same duties as I did when I started, I just have even more to do now. When I started taking on more work, they decided that I would have my own "Business Development" team. I just wish I knew sometimes what my title actually is and that I had a clear job description! LOL...
Well, I've gotta go... Talk to you all very soon.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Adding to the earlier blog...

Still sitting here thinking random thoughts... Thought it might be interesting to add Facebook status messages in with those blog books. I think I might just make myself one for last year and see how I like it... I think I could make one on Cafepress. I'm pretty sure I can even add my pics on the pages to make it even more interesting...
The question is now: Do I add the blog comments and status comments in? I think it would add to it... And if it's just for me anyhow, what does it matter?

To my fellow bloggers....

It was pointed out to me before that some of the stuff that we (meaning some of the blogs I follow, you know who you are: Christina, Jen, and others :) ) has some stuff that's quite interesting and that might be bookworthy one day... It just got me to thinking, would any of us actually do that? We already put our thoughts out here for the world to see, so what's the difference? Other than it makes it so real to have it on paper... But then again, I would like to see my blog in print... I looked at a few sites that offer that, and it's not that expensive, it mostly depends on if you want a hardcover or softcover. Of course, to do it right you'd have to have a hardcover! LOL... And I would definitely need more than the 20 pages that most of these sites offer, so it would definitely be more costly...
I don't know, I'm just being kind of random lately... I think it's the mood I'm in and just flat out avoiding the other issues going on in my life. I can't and don't want to discuss them all on here just yet... Soon though, I promise. Right now, I will sit and think about whatever random thought that pops in my head and watch the cutest dog ever play with a tennis ball that cannot possibly fit in his mouth! :)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Randomness...

I was going through my BlackBerry today and was looking at the hundreds of pictures... All so random. I can't bring myself to delete them. Some of them are cute, and some are just hilarious. Some of them are just good times, and some are things that I'm just proud of. Some are even random people...
I decided to share a select few... There were well over a thousand, so when I say few, I'm sorry to say it's a lot more than a few! LOL...
There's a pic of me on a coworkers Porsche, turns out he didn't like that so much... Oops.
There's random pics that I've taken when I didn't feel like smiling just to make myself smile... Don't ask, it just works.
There's pics of the kids in time out... There were just so cute! :)
There was my Macky Mack... I love that puppy...
There was one of my favorite Christmas presents, the UGA hat...
My Chiquita baby...
My tattoo...
A Merry Christmas note I left on the conference room board at work before I went on vacation...
Me wearing my favorite scarf and hat...
Me getting my hair dyed...
Visiting Micheal at his school...
A bottle of Smirnoff...
The diaper the babysitter put on backwards... LOL...
My boots...
The Christmas tree...
Me at work...
The boys getting hair cuts...
The boys at the FRG Christmas party...
Kaylynn stealing an apple from Al at work...
Halloween...
Thanksgiving...
Christmas...
Fuzzy socks...
My best friend in the whole world...
And his truck...
Al, with the hard hat that I bought for him after throwing way too many random objects at his head while at work...
Micheal's school picture...
Like I said, lots of randomness... I love each and every one of them and just wanted to share them... :)